KOGAION REVIEW
romanian literary monthly

~ Elena Baciu Calugaru: „The playing of the yell“

Two days ago I suffered an operation at larynx with many dubious marks. Complete interdiction. None word!
My younger friends seemed concerned for me. For not letting alone they had borne me with them to the house from the wood. I`ve known them since they were in the primary school. I tied the first knot at their
pioneer tie when we were in Telega Camp. The third eye becomes larger. He sometimes speaks secretly with everybody from the car after his heart`s content. Now he is listening to them.
‘Lelia what a joy! We haven`t seen for ages, since I left for Austria.’
‘How was occurred?’
‘Work.’
‘And love?’
‘Love?! It is point only you don`t find your place. You run after the scattered ashes…George is in the next room, he has just spoken about you…’
‘Lelia hug me! At least once… So much time since we haven`t seen each other. For five years…Yow saw me off the railway station when I left for Italy. This transition opens other kind of gates. You often say: “Go away… your houses are waiting you for renovating them”… I came back. You`ll help me, I hope, with your energy… with your words…What`s happened? You have tears in your eyes. You? You yourself don`t know to weep.
‘I had learned from my mother…I`ll tell you. Now, let us hear Sofia. She is the wise woman!’
‘I renovated churches. I gave light them from the light given me. I gathered so much money!.. In the wood of my forefathers, given back to me by law, I am building a house, a church and a school for children
from the neighbourhood villages. The school may be for modern trades. My passionate desire is can pay the best teachers for music talented children. The world is waiting for our voices and we have to give to
it. Lelia, you seem disheartened. You will pass through. Just now George will drive to the wood with acacias and clock-spring that springs five minutes and then hides and again it raises to life, keeps working and so on… The road is torn, but will be repaired. I spoke to the villagers. The mayor is not a good man. He ran up two pubs. One is too much. We`ll elect another. The women, the best of the best. George, how much money have you gathered, there, in Italy?’

‘Something… I have, but…’
‘Not any but. We aren`t so young but not so old. Do you remember how much proud we were wearing the pioneer tie? Our parents looked at us troubled, alarmed. May you do from that something, something
precious! Say too a word, Lelia. You will look after the children, you will teach them French, English, say what do you teach them, and you have a lot of diplomas in your drawer. Say… massage…cosmetics…’
‘Of course, how the girls must wear. Lelia that concerned herself with clothes. Do you spend any for them?’
‘Please, don`t speak to me about money. It seems to have a rat in my stomach.’
‘What inattentive are you George, my pituitary breaks in our conversation, deviating the old sufferings with a word.’
‘What beautiful you were to Markab…’
‘I was nearly thirty… I was with Martin under the brightness of the moon without any fear. The snakes were sleeping.’
‘Only me no, I was sleepless. I was dreaming that I was instead of my friend and you were the wife. Sofia, you came later in our group. But we, all the boys, were dreaming at Lelia. We sometimes were
thinking, all of us she was our wife. We were going to their house. The door only hyacinths. We were sitting at oval table, style… and she, the witch, was fetching “coffees”, which were burning our soul. She was thin, Bulb filament. She cooked “burnt sugar cream”. All were flamed up at heart. We were smoking. We were smocking very much, but nobody like Martin. He was high among superiors! He was looking at us under his shady thick glasses. He was laughing in his beard. He saw how we were desiring a wife like his. Once he said to me: “May this fortune last”. I am afraid I lose her. No, would any body steal her to me. Any man wouldn`t steal her from me …I have a fear”. When you left for working on the site from Mediterranean Sea, I felt myself lost. I married in order to be able to go after you, too. In such way the law was, it had be bound,
engaged yourself, I get married that woman because one of our friend tricked her. It was only an agreement between us. She didn`t supported nervously. Have you remembered? She committed suicide. I was there at
Homs. I had come near you, near your light. I don`t know what has been in my mind. I seemed got married you, both.
‘You, who were running after so many woman?!’
‘Yes, Lelia,… those were only…’
‘George, drive more attentive. You are dragging in all ruts on a road. On us, so lovely…Please let only acceleration. Without heart. You…You make such clean breast of… ‘Disquiets of dreaming man’, my waken the third eye makes sign.
‘Lelia, Do you even not marry me? What wonderful in Leaota was! We lost our way. Beyond belief. The chalet eaten by fungus. We were seven, eight, only you seemed only one. You had some sleeping bags,
yellow, mounted up on the Martin`s high rucksack. Everybody found a place. I kept near you. I opened the vodka bottle, sometimes my secret and dear accompany. Under a star I saw all. You were hugged by your
husband. A naked, curved leg, was coming out from the yellow cover. A stirring puts aside it. You were all naked. A crash. I frightened. A pair of bears were coupled their necks under the same star. Laterally
each of them was showing the half opened muff in a human smiling, which made me to lose my balance. An instant I thought I was dying. This thing obliged me to see around. I saw a club thrown on the dried
branches, maybe, forgotten by a shepherd. The bears are moving. In their cavern growling was hearing an escaped moan, too. It was your woman breathing. I loved in that time. I wept under the star that was lighting you. I saw your face, a child bathed in wonder. I drank. Suddenly I saw how the bears were ready to rush, to crush you. I had a little vodka. May I wet some branches. In my hand I pressed the lighter. I should chase the bears… I think I fainted by anaphor.
‘You were found by that shepherd flashed with my words, when I said where I had slept.’
‘How, madam, at raspberry bushes, in the den of couple bears?’ George, George it`s only your deceive. This eye of mine, the third, saw Lelia how she was washing her husband`s shirt, how she took out
from the water and kissed the sweat penetrated into cloth. May you think she would repeat it?!…
‘What is your love story, Sofia? … Soon we pace at the third age and we, playful ones.’
‘After all suffering in my youth, now, now I am happy… happy. I scream loudly: I am loved, I am loved…I wait Hans. Hans of mine. I was working in a church at recess in a wall and I wasn`t able to take out a thick nail that somebody had hammered there I didn`t imagine in what aim. The tools didn`t help me. Being angry I gave a palm in its head as if it would have been a bad child. I yelled. A red stripe of blood hurried. It splashed on the floor. The tearing noise of cloth makes me to turn round. I see large astonished blue eyes that fixed me. A saint gone down from stained glass windows. The torn sleeve of the man shirt wets in blood that feeling the smell of freedom isn`t able to stop.
‘I am Hans. I work in the other part of the building. I was passing here. The yell stopped me. Who are you? Sofia? Come to wipe your wound with lily tincture. Your blood will stop, immediately.’ I hugged him as if I hadn`t seen him for ages and the waiting didn’t supported more. I walked on the bank of the Danube unconsciously. We spoke about our trade…
‘Did you study architecture in Bucharest?’
‘Yes I am Transylvanian Saxon. I left for the country, hardly in 1968. Let me hug for our wood, pond and house, our house. I am born again. There, at you… no at you… at us…there, my house is in the Transylvania, there, there is my Danube. What happiness! May I meet of mine here! Yes, you are one of mine. The yell of your suffering called the yell of my homesickness, the place of my ancestors. What happy I am! May I tell you…it is useless. I discovered that, after the endured troubles, HEPPINIESS is not even abstract…Recall you George, only after two hours from our marriage, Mircea ran away the country. He passed swimming the Danube to Serbs. There were three. Two of them were shot. He managed. After a year of harassing happened in the red building that in lower of Calea Victoriei an aged lady came and gave to me a letter. It was not anything written than a red ribbon. Wondering. A shiver. I recollected: “Whenever may you receive a red ribbon you must know I live”. There were the words through which he made me a present. That was. He had planned it longer, before our marriage. I was afraid to ask the aged lady, who was she. Five years she brought the envelope with red ribbon. In the sixth the envelope was empty. I didn`t know what had happened. I decided to divorce. Since, work and frugal loves. But Hans, Hans is all, now when my hair is getting grey, but I still go round on my tall heels…
‘George, please stop a little. Let us go down! Let us breath!’
‘Lelia marry me! Recall when we were in Valea Cucăi, on the Râul Târgului. Don`t knit. When all rushed to climb on the abrupt stone. When that tall girl fell over our friend . She broke a rib. He got married her…’
‘How couldn`t I remember?! I remained on the bank. There was a man there, too. He wasn`t from our group.’
‘He gave to you a snail saying: “For the most sensible wife”
‘No, this, it seems another man said.’
‘Yes, but it was the second time when I was witness and I would have wanted to be the hero myself. We were at Aqaba at the Red Sea, in a trip and an engineer from your site gave to you a coral together
with those words about Martin laughed at, passing his hand through his hair. What jealous I was on both! Marry me, Lelia…’ ‘It is a recklessness what you desire. You, who lived round us you wanted the quietness of our marriage. But it is not able to repeat however much you would like. Recall you when you paid a visit on the border of the sea behind the hotel where we were living. There was a younger woman than me. We wanted to make her your friend. I think you haven`t forgotten her.
‘The woman who tried to drown you, taking you on the mattress and bearing far, you dindn`t know to swim.’
‘Even her.’
‘She was mad.’
‘No, It was happened with her like you, like the others. Being alone, we kept in our accompany protecting her of men`s eyes who supported difficulty their heat desires like the sun from that oriental world with another laws than ours. With the only difference that, we were playful. We touched our thigh as at random… We wrapped each other our hands, which became wet immediately and water spread on our skin and especially we were making the play of the shoe tip. So as though we didn`t know, we touched our shoe tips that were creating an impudent language. Then, Martin was often bearing me in his arms. He was not able to stop making it. Maybe this thing incited her. She desired herself, too. My husband understood her eyes and in that moment he invited by a colleague to accompany or we avoided her. In that day, taking sunbathe on the sands, I guessed her thoughts.’
‘I doubt myself, you with your odd powers… then, why did you permit her?’
‘I wanted to see her, to feel her criminal breath…’
‘Her yell rushes into the waken eye. The wind was starting. It was raising the black waves, viscous in petroleum mixture that flooded furiously from the pipe which was supplying the harbor. Whirlpools with papers and plastic garbage were fighting in the middle of the death, sustaining at the surface. It was ready the storm… The flag of a boat overthrew the event.
‘If didn`t jump Martin and me to save you.?… Don`t laugh at!… Did you foresee all? You were special crazy!’
‘Then my husband said what I would say you now: “the love doesn`t repeat”. I won`t be able together with anybody of those that knew us, and especially now after the story with bears…’
‘Let us go. Under acacias, my dear lady friend must say us why do you suffer…’
‘Of sings from ancestral. A man, seeker, asked me:
‘How is your lover? Maybe he guessed. I was said. And then…’
‘I decided. Write the address.’
‘Would you like to come to me?’
‘No…
‘It was Sunday. Autumn. Light. Mildness. White Chrysanthemum when, standing up and supporting myself of the chair I hear a “no” too long, savage, awful, desperate that comprised my brain. Yell of leaving for.
Spur. I dial. He already left. I had to defy my destiny. He waited a lot till I open the door. The flowers that he had brought to me were gay. Their fragrances surrounded me. It`s well I didn`t brake the
vase.’
‘I can`t think, Lelia, you shy?’
‘Sometimes, Sofia. Sometimes.’
‘Did you wear the armour? My eye, the third, reads in depths. You are vulnerable dear friend. He is the sign of air. The master.’
‘Did you make frolics!’
‘So is, George!’
‘Why hadn`t I been instead of him?’
‘It was the most unexpected day from my life’.
‘Did you make love at first meeting? What do you know from?’
‘From your being.’
‘Hours of love how only my youth gave me. I remained all the time with closed eyes. In contrast with the other time, the eyes that I hid under the eyelids were of the true man, of that kept pressing in my arms. There were the brown eyes that I sucked in my soul. There were the eyes show me another way. The way liberated by fire…What happy! I had seen his palms I felt their warm. I knew that he would love me, and I`d make him to suffer…’
‘You will have been a witch once! You and Martin. I don`t know how you were able to enter in another dimension with means that seemed simple, but matchless.’
‘I cannot compare with him. He knew physics, astronomy, and astrology. Me, with a practical sense, left perhaps, from another world with live or gifted, rush from time to time with some news…’
‘From time to time you say… When I saw doctors with Martin but witches, too for the remedy of his sufferings, he was whispering me: ” let us go to Lelia, only she knows. You were turning down the coffee
cup and were saying: “Be attentive not to happen us a misfortune! Be attentive with car”… There was maybe death? How did you see?’
‘I didn`t see anything. The coffee was only a pretext. There is a communication. Where from? Whom from? The things were happened so one said to me. Only time doesn`t correspond with what we know.’
‘Let her to speak about love, George.’
‘I call Tiberiu to my lover. He had a program…May we go…That yell… that yell didn`t let me in peace. I felt his sadness…’ Any woman would have been proud at his arm but I…say: No. I don`t want to know anybody our link… He asked me something sensible: ‘When did you make love for?’ I would answer: for twenty years…but I did now with you…in rest it was only you hear and see at TV today or you read in books “sex”. I am being happened to love you now. I guessed to be so…For this, the yell? Then, he didn`t lost the opportunity to tell me about one of his troubled adventure. Why did he tell me?! I wasn’t jealous. Life taught me that what would be for me was given me. I worked, I loved not for disappointing life. I don`t
complain. Life wound me in fair chains but rewarded my dream of childhood to travel speaking the language of other people. Loved I was years…A human life! Being often borne on the powerful, warm arms but
knowing my fate. And She overcame.! The eye doesn`t let me in peace. Say to Him from where that yell came. Say in this way: from wave of fear, from wave of world.
‘Who did say fear? That is. Tiberiu has a difficulty with much money… He is not free in this case.’
‘Did he ask for?’
‘No, Sofia, only the word “money” makes me to live again the drama of the quitrent for marriage which imposed to Martin his parents. Any sum doesn`t content them. Only they had necessities and their son only reproaches and humility. ,,Maybe this bear to death.” A friend of us said. He, so good. He didn`t look like anybody.. He seemed the character from ,,In Mântuleasa street” by Mircea Eliade…came from faraway from world of water, with dreams of suns. However thinking in generosity and love, I called his mother for
seeing her son because it wasn`t known how much time he would still live. Her answer was: ” is the moment to announce this, you spoil my midnight supper on New-Year`s Eve.”?!
‘Lelia don`t do similitudes which there aren`t …what do you reproach to Tiberiu?’
‘Words about women, victims of the desire…’
‘He wanted to impressed you…’
‘The livings, sensibility, emotion don`t sustain the respect?!…the plants vibrate, too… but he, the man…One day. Bad sign. An excitement, a perturbation makes darkness in my mind. Endless words: if company sent my money now I should go to Prague…’
‘Now, of Eve of Great Feasts?!! With whom?’
‘In a trip. I don`t want to stay alone at home.’
‘Another possibility isn`t there?’
‘To leave for Suceava, Iasi… I am invited…To stay alone?’
‘Another alternative, Lelia?’
‘To stay with you.’
That the third eye saw. The door from the bathroom was open. He was washing his hands. Her words, huge ribbons were striking the air from the dining room to the bathroom. The cheek, his yellow cheek is
sticking of his lover. There is an echo of her words. Foul words. Soiled words. Why did she say? she is asking. She just received him smiling, letting him to wait firstly. Whose those words were? … Those
hidden … Those hostility Why? Who? Who disturbs the harmony on eve of feast? He lifted in his
arms. His soft, soft skin, quietens her. The yellow of his cheek makes her to speak ceaselessly. She seeks remedy. What poison! Non titrated words. Sword and lance…From where the fear… fear of people…For what?
‘You fell in love, Lelia. Only now you love him. You make him to suffer. Your guilty turns into love…’
‘Alchemy, George, Alchemy.’
‘Since he hasn`t wanted me. By phone sad: “You put on the lowest row…so low… Lelia!”
‘When he pronounced your name, you knew that he loved you… The fear is inside of you. It is the fear to have a family again. The old livings stifle the renew, that “remaking” of life about the people speak. You do not belief in “remaking”. You want the purity of the feelings, you want the peace which bears in arms. Peace of Martin. Do you think that Tiberiu couldn`t give it to you. His words about another women have you frightened?. The reason of his coming to you was that to be with you. Where is your diplomacy? You, who conciliated all quarrelled couples who passed the threshold of your house? From where so much poison in stream of your energy? You are that jealous. You are jealous on the life of any man who hugs you and this because that is not Martin. Why do you seek in physic phenomenon a guilt of somebody? Life and death belong to everybody. Don`t you think that you take upon yourself this non- separation of your husband? You
frightened when you felt that you could love Tiberiu. Offer yourself to life!’
ELENA BACIU CALUGARU

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