KOGAION REVIEW
romanian literary monthly

~Anghel Vlad: Poems

>>why your memory won’t let go of me…?

why are you’re eyes still haunting my soul,

why is it so hard for me to see,

the thing between us is like a bottomless hole.

i struggle each day with your memory,

i try to forget how you made me feel,

thinkin’ about you gets me in the deepest agony,

and still the extasy is a greater thrill

you’re playin’ games with my tormented mind

enjoying the painfull look in my eyes,

your feelings for me are darker than a evil night

you love to watch how my tortured soul tries

To let go of you…<<

>>this time,you’re out of luck

you’re out of hideouts,out of hope

now you will face the angry mob

of those who’s hopes you’ve always choked

there is no mercy,there’s nothing true

there is no god to gaze upon your pain

there’re only screams coming from you

and the feeling that you shout in vain

you’ve wanted power,so you can rule

but yesterday they tolled the bell

today you see what means”cruel”

so now…in ending…

“Welcome to my hell”<<

>>Better pray to god tonight

and ask for his protection

cause he won’t go without a fight

releasing all the hate’s suppression

feel the fiery wind bringing the smell of war

feel the morning sun gazing upon your bloody shoulder

you see him coming,his eyes-the darkest coal

prepare to die, reality’s last soldier

you march against him,holding your blade tight

you approach the spot,face full of blody sweat

you look at him and grasp him in your sight

and think of you in victory’s bed

his sword rises against the sun

seeking the taste of your blood

your fingers search the trigger of your gun

you’re going deep into the mud.

Before you know it,it’s all over

with your last breath,you watch him as he steps back

but he’s not leaving,he’s your death’s lover

closing your eyes,you’re waiting for your bones to crack

But what is this,nothing is happening?

you open your eyes,and see his hand reaching to you

he’s giving you his offer of joining

Him into…

The legion of the Damned<<

>>I’m tired of this game of yours,it seems it brings you pleasure

too watch me fall everytime,you’re laughing of my failure<<

>>i hear the sound of silence

raining down upon my brain

feeling the overwhelming darkness

bringing to me the vision of pain

for too long i’ve watched the world reborn and die

it’s now my time to go to sleep

it’s now my time to embrace the night

My soul is bound to the Deep<<

>>Today i’m feeling green…

A joy the world has never seen

Tonight i’m feeling dark

i’m waiting for a new start

This morning i was feeling blue

I think i dreamed again about you

This evening reminds me of blue again

Oh fuck it,this color therapy is just in vain<<

>>Rise yourself,get over the pain

nobody cares,nodoby gives a damn

Let the hate flow through your veins

Open your eyes and watch them fall

Feel the energy running through your blood

Transforming you and giving you new desires

Get yourself out of the mudd

And watch their faces full of surprise

Now you’re awake,truly alive

Go on and show them they were wrong

Teach them the power of a strong will

And express your hate<<

>>Try to break me down,and I’ll crash your world

Try to set me on fire and I’ll burn your hopes

Stay out of my way or I’ll make you pray to the lord

Piss me off again and I’ll make you confront your own ghosts<<

>>How does it feel to know,

You’re taking on a battle you can’t win

How much long before your despair starts to show

And just like in mad ride through hell,your head beagins to spin

Each day, living with the same sick feeling

There’s not much left for you

The state of panic inside you is growing

Each day,you’re closer to the truth.<<

>>ENERGY-fire mixed with pain

hellish poison through my vein

Sanity-can no longer be sustained

State of calm that cannot be maintained

Always moving,always running

take a look at my expression-ain’t it stunning?

My eyes are burning

All my thoughts are trying

To escape the suffering

Cage of bones that’s cracking

You look at me,and say to yourself

“He look like he’s from hell”

But this,my friend,is just a normal state for me

Cause i was borned under the sign of Energy.<<

>>Get over the misery you are surounded by

Step up to the front and rise your fist

You want them all to die

You want them swallowed by the mist

Reach your hand and take the blade

It’s time to make your destiny

The feeling of hate will never fade

Until you see them all in pieces.

Out of love and out of mercy

Break their bones like death’s blow

Hearing them begging for forgiveness

makes you only hate them more.<<

>>What’s with you today, feelin’ down,feelin’ low?

Keep your head up,no matter what

Empower yourself and fuck them all

That’s the idea a day should start

With…<<

I had enough of this cruel game

All you do is mess with me

Things will never be the same

Leave me now and let me be<<

>>Hate and pain,that’s all you have in mind

Unable to concentrate,unable to think away

You wish to speak,but there are no words you can find

These 2 friends won’t go,there’re here to stay

It’s useless to fight the feeling of revenge

Sure,it won’t turn back time,or make things right again

But the look on their suffering faces

Will satisfy your rage for a time.

And then there will be others…

Who will need a punishment

You’ll bring sadness and tears of the faces of their mothers

And make the rest bow their heads in atonement<<

>>There’s no love,no happiness in this ol’ place

Only hate and fire is what you will find in here

That childish look won’t stay too long on your face

Your eyes will learn how to express the fear.

It’s no dream,it’s no illusion

If you’re alive or dead you still can’t tell

But in the end you’ll come to this conclusion:

You’re in your own personal hell!

You look around you…your eyes seek an escape

“There’s nowhere to go”-these words are makin’ you faint

You think about your deeds…you’re sorry..well it’s too late

No one cand get you out of here,not even the holiest of the saints.

Accept the truth and spread your arms

There is a lot of pain waiting for your senses

To twist and burn,to burn and twist

Hate and suffering-these are your new deities.<<

>>The only thing in mind right now,

Is your look so deep,so intense

Of all the girls,you managed somehow

To break through my inner defenses.

At first…i thought it was just a usual thing

Just like before,with any other girl…

And now you mean a lot to me

I want you more than anything in the world

I want to taste your lips,until i run out of breath

I want to look in your angelic eyes till i fall asleep

You got me tangled like in a spider web

This beautiful thing we’ve got,i hope God never end’s it!

You got the best out of me,

You make me better,you make me smile

You are all my eyes will ever want to see

This must never end.<<

>>Full of life,able to get over anything

That’s how you apear in the eyes of the Outside

No one knows your lying,no one knows you’re faking.

At the end of each day,you take off your mask an die,every night.

You’re lying to the world,you’re lying to yourself,

Your all life’s nothing than a big fat lie.

That will probably go along with the others,on the sinner’s bookshelf

You look at me right now,too cornered to deny.

In the end,it will all come out,your lies

Along with your true person,twisted and insane.

They will then see what you really are under this fake disguise

And there is no one to blame…

But you!

Wanna change? too late my lying friend

There are no second chances left for you

You will go along with the other things people can’t understand

And you will die along with them too.

My time is running out,so in conclusion i say this:

“If you chose this way of life,at least make it an art

Remember,you’ll be something they’ll never miss

At least try to remain as something as they hate”<<

>>Trapped,in this unseen cage

Living each day with sick feelings in your heart

Hate-this thing that’s never aged

It’s flowing through your veins making your vision of life go dark.

Every hour,second by second,

You ask yourself how much more you can hold on

You’re tired of this same old lesson

Your patience and your love are gone.

“Love”? heh,that’s the biggest scam since the world started

Nothing but lies,fake feelings and supression of some thoughts

Makes you think you’ve seen the truth,but in fact you’re blinded

How to love when each time you remember things,you feel the pain’s marks?<<

>>Once again,God denied my chance to happiness

Leaving me with my soul bleeding

My tortured heart craves for tenderness

My hands will allwyas for your skin be seeking.

How much longer do I have to endure this torture

How much can my heart take the repeated pain

Each and every single day,feeling the same misfortune

Watching the hope die inside of me,knowing that tomorrow will be the same.

“Love”-Creator’s cruelest joke

Gives you the power to live on,so that in the end,

You can feel your soul bent and choked

There’s no way you can defend.

If this is the price I have to pay

To feel that i’m alive and loved

I don’t wanna live my life this way

I’d rather be alone and dead.<<

>>Don’t be afraid,don’t run away right now

Just let the feeling of my presence surround you

In the end,I’ll manage to get under your skin somehow

Just quit denying it and get in the mood

Feel my poison mixing with your blood,

Feel my thoughts slipping inside your mind

Touching your heart and tasting your life

You move your lips,but there are no words you can find

To express the sort of feeling you’re going through

Drinking from the cup of your own memories

Yes…it’s starting to feel good

Let go of the pain and come feel the grace<<

>>Feel the pain,feel the sadness growing day by day

Torn apart by the memories that won’t let go

Gotta get over the past,gotta get away

I can’t take it anymore,minute by minute,blow by blow

I can’t live here anymore,every litlle thing is a huge reminder of you

Reminder of us,reminder of my happiness

Reminder of the life I used to have,right by you

The feeling of suffering is too intense.

I know that you’re not happy either,

I know you too can’t close your eyes at night

Then why do we both have to suffer

When we can be holding each other tight

I see you’ve made your choice

Perhaps it is destiny after all

I’ll always miss the sound of your voice

But I will not fall.

I gotta get over this,gotta let it all behind

This is the last time I try to strengthen this thing

Hope you’ll be happy and keep the same pure mind

And never again feel love’s sting<<

>>I don’t need your mercy,i don’t need your compassion

I’ll get over this,like I allways do

Without looking back,following my own damaged vision

I’ll get over this,like I allways do.

My legs are broken,my eyes are tired

Of watching the same sad play

Going on and on filling the same spot

Each and every day.<<

>>Being away from you,

Burns me from the inside

Everything i’ve been through

Just kicks me out of life<<

>>It’s time for me to rise against

To crush them all

To regain my power with haste

And watch them fall

I live only to kill

And kill only to live

The pain in your eyes brings me the greatest thrill

I love to see your fresh skin bleed

Call me a monster

Call me a devil

I’m just a fighter

Who battles for his pleasure

Don’t try to run

It’s useless,believe me

Now that the hope is gone

It’s impossible to escape me.

Stop blocking your true feelings

Quit denying your real potential

You’re not like these simple,greedy beings

Answer your true self’s call.<<

>>The silence of the darkness fills my head

Watching peaceful the moonrise

From the corner of my bed

I’m waiting for my loving bride

My dearest joy,my deepest thought

She gives me shivers to my bones

Oh, I’ll dedicate my life to the Dead art

And rest my soul within the tombstones.

I fell in love with your purple lips

The dead spark in your eyes reads my emotions

My heart is trapped within your tears

I am your slave with full devotion.

They don’t understand us

They don’t recognize our bond

They’ll never be able to love with such lust

Their mind is sinking in the ignorance’s swamp.

Take me now and fly me away

Show me the magic of death

Teach me the dark ways

And leech the life out of me to my last breath<<

>>Hear me now,spirits of the Dead

Rise from the ashes

Choke the life out of those who disturbed

The lifeless sleep of the fallen soldiers.<<

>> Put to sleep my tired soul

Let it rest,let it prepare

Wash the pain,make me reborn

Bring fire upon my memories

All my feelings,all my tears

Put them in a box,away from world

Deny my future,along with what it brings

Just another story that ain’t worth told.

Release me from the hold of the past

Revive my spirit and let it shine

Suck my memories,drop by drop,until the last

Have mercy of this soul o’ mine.<<

>>Fight!

Fight your way through the world full of greed

Kill!

Kill the siners and wash your eyes with the the blood

Protect!

Protect the helpless and those who are in need

Revive!

Revive the memory of those who fought!

Bury!

Bury the tiran’s body till the last bone

Bring!

Bring the Reaper’s breath upon their lives

Beware!

Beware,the enemy’s camp is large and you’re alone

Remember!

Remeber how the widow full of grief cryes<<

>>Desperate thoughts and scary voices

My inner child died choked by hate

Denying all of my sanity’s chances

And quickly sealing up my fate

I can no longer feel

The warm touch of love

My hands long their blood to spill<<

>>Chase the blue light

Down to the blackwoods

In the misty air of the night

A piece of magic is being set loose

You stop for just a moment

Only to catch your breath

And then your remember about the Fallen

You’re paralyzed,unable to take another step<<

>>When I close my eyes at night

To rest my tired body

My mind revives the buried hate

And I see myself falling

Going deeper in the lair

Of my silent madness

Feeling the burning anger

Leaving no place for forgivness

Faces of the past

Scenes from the present

All-pictures on thin glass

Making my dream become unpleasant.

In the end they all turn

Into dusty remains

And winged children come to mourne

And watch me as I go insane

And then,new faces come around

Expressions that bring fire in my eyes

Fire that is better left unfound

Fire melting all the lies

Fueling all of my senses

Washing down all my restrains

Giving me visions which leave me breathless

And keeping my humanity locked up in chains

I start to howl,letting the hate flow through me

I taste fresh blood,sweeter than pure love

I feel awakened,I feel free

There is no Devil,there is no God!

I hear a voice”hey…!,hey! wake up”

At least she’s here beside me

Always supporting me with her love

But only in my dreams i’m free…<<

>>My lips long for your sweet burning kiss

My hands crave for your body

Everytime i think of you,my mind slipps

And falls away from reality

The only reality I know of

Is the one in your deep-blue eyes

You’re the only thing that makes me keep my head up

When i’m with you,all fade away,all truths,all lies

The whole world can burn down

As long as you’re in my arms

Nothing matters,nothing counts

Our feelings are outside their greedy wars

Oh God,you can tear my limbs and burn my memory

You can strip away the skin off my mortal body

But you can never kill my joy

Of knowing that she loves me<<

>>We all try our best

Not to show our selfish nature

Trying to look better than the rest

Cosmeticising our intention’s figure.

Oh,won’t you just give in,

Forget about these childish inhibitions

Just close your eyes,embrace the sin

To be in love with the addiction

In the end,we’re all just slaves

Held to place by our human pleasures

We breathe through our life’s mistakes

Ahh,the human hyopcrisy-it can’t be measured<<

>>Things and memories,

Leave them behind

A new chapter,in front of you awaits

Preparing for you,new things to find<<

>>Time passes by,leaving us

WIth nothing than memories

It is a thing that we all must

Obey until our last days

But my mortal heart cannot stand

The sorrow going on and on

Choking me to the last breath

‘Til the hope and joy are gone.

No one can stand

The pain of the memories

It’s what makes the angels scream

And the devil cry.<<

>>The night appears,the sun shameful retreats

Behind the hill,resting for tomorrow’s shift

Alone again,alone as always

I too retreat,in my room,to gather all my thoughts

The child inside ..he’s crying…

The man above him-as always..shouting..

The conciensce…desolated…and broken

Only the cold,mechanical logic is present

Ridiculously calm…i take a seat

I look into the ground,i can’t eat

I’m starving…but not for materialism

I crave for life…for undestanding

Incredible how someone,in a sea of people

Can be so lonely,sad in his simple singularity

Lonely and ashamed of his crippling pain

Each day enduring his cold unhappiness,again and again

I close my eyes,but..i can’t stop the sound

The sound of the heavy silence,vibrating and pressing

Down my soul,my brain,my eyes…my entire being

Thrown in a hole…never to be found<<

>>Howling madnes,reaching out again

Silent screaming of the inner self

Hope can no longer be sustained

You’re going to depth of hell

Monster madness,erupting from the insides

Poisoning through it’s path

Throwing forgetfulness over all there is

All the feelings,except wrath.

Release your anger,consume the fury

Dive in the power,drop the restrains

Choke the last dop of blood,and watch them getting buried

The shouts,the screams…they’re all in vain.<<

>>It’s dark.It’s cold.Each day without a sunshine

Each day drowning in loneliness,

Each night,alone..with these cold thoughts of mine

Caged in my own mind,frozen and hopeless.

Engaged in a battle for recognition

You’re all addicted to approval

But you’re striped of your spark,your ignition

Slaves of the body,having nothing left at all.

But then…a ray of light appears

Thrusts the blackness with two green sparks

Chasing away,my fears my sins and all my sadness

Breaking through my inner wars.

Just like the sun,impossible to reach

But never far enough to fade her shining

The light on my skin,reviving each

Of my senses,encouraging me to keep fighting.

An awaken spirit is never able to quit dreaming

I will rise and climb to the green fire

Now matter how much time it will be taking

Or how many times I will be falling

I’ll chase the light,even to the end of worlds.<<

>>Tired of dreaming,tired of hoping

Enough with the waiting,it’s time to block

The inner feelings,replacing

Them with frozen thoughts.

No more crawling on the floor

No more worries’bout impressions

No more waiting at the door

Just to get a bit of attention.

They say love warms your soul

I’d rather have it ice cold

At least this way I can handle more

Of the greedy world hungry for land and gold

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